Starting and sustaining a family is an experience that’s both unique and universal. As a newish Mum, I often wonder how families I encounter in the real and online worlds ‘make it work,’ and while I’ve done my fair share of reading – attachment and Montessori theory, positive psychology, oh my! – what’s resonated most is advice from Mums and Dads I love and admire.
With this new feature, we invite you into our favourite families, uncovering how they go about building a meaningful life with their tikes.
First up, our fearless leader and Mum to Minnie, Lucy Feagins.
Congratulations on Minnie’s birthday a few weeks back – you guys have survived and thrived! One year on, what advice might you have given your pregnant self?
Thank you! 12 months in, I’m out of the fog and feeling somewhat on top of things. I was so anxious before Minnie was born due to my relationship with time – I never have enough of it, I finish every day with a half finished ‘to do’ list. I was so busy already, I couldn’t see where my baby would ‘fit.’
What I’ve learnt is that it just works out. The space in your schedule isn’t there waiting for your baby to arrive, but the time you need reveals itself once they do. Strangely, I feel like I have more time than I used to. I wake up earlier (thanks, Minnie) and am more decisive and efficient than my pre-baby self. I do feel stretched for ‘brain space,’ but not time.
If I had to give advice to my pregnant self I would say that you can have a baby and run a business, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. People would say things like, ‘your priorities will totally change, you won’t want to work so much’ or ‘your brain won’t ever be the same.’ For me, this didn’t happen – I was relieved to find I do have pretty much the same brain!
For me, becoming a Mum has been rich and rough in equal parts. What have you found to be the most challenging aspects of your new reality?
Sleep disruption. We’re over the worst of it now, but we did go through a five wake-ups a night phase. But it was weirdly manageable; I was amazed to learn just how much sleep deprivation the body can tolerate. To be honest, you hear so many horror stories as an expectant parent, so I try to make a point of being positive – my mantra is ‘it’s totally doable.’
You returned to work part-time several months after Minnie’s birth. How have you been supported to do this; what does your ‘village’ look like?
After two months off work, I started doing three days a week – this increased a few months later to four, and now I’m back full-time. This has only been possible because my husband Gordy also works for himself, and we committed up front to co-parent all the way; we’re also lucky to have family support. So Minnie has regular days with Grandma, Gordy and a babysitter, and two days in childcare.
Before Minnie arrived, I was very much aware of having some plans in place to ensure The Design Files would continue to thrive. TDF is very reliant on me – I am closely involved with every decision we make, each project and piece of content we produce. So I bolstered our team; when I was six months pregnant, I hired a part-time photo editor / graphic designer (up until then, I’d been preparing the visual assets for the site myself), and not long after Minnie was born I hired someone to handle our advertising and partnerships.
It took me over three years to muster up the courage to hire these two people, three years of thinking ‘how will we afford it?’ and ‘how will someone else be able to do the tasks only I can do?’ Expecting a baby is the most extraordinary motivator for taking action!
Juggling mum / work / wife / family and friend / self time is not for the faint hearted. How do you work towards balance (if such a thing is achievable)?
I think balance is a fallacy; it’s unnatural to achieve a sort of equilibrium all the time. Having said that, I think whether you’re a parent or not, feeling balanced is really about being mindful of running your life purposefully and not letting the ‘busyness’ run you. I am really prone to that; I have to purposefully catch myself, to recalibrate and prioritise when work starts taking over.
Coming home to Minnie is the best thing for brain balance. As soon as I walk in the door, the stresses of work fade because I am so excited to see her and cuddle for a few hours! So, in that respect, having a baby has actually brought me more balance. I don’t think about work 24/7 anymore.
Can you give us a glimpse into how your day with Minnie starts and ends?
Minnie wakes up at around 6am and one of us stumbles across the hall to her room. Then she comes into bed for a snuggle and feed – which conveniently gives me 10 more minutes of snooze time (probably bad, I’m sure you’re supposed to give breakfast before boob at this age, but anyway!). After that it’s tag-teaming with my husband until 8am when Minnie is handed over to my Mum / the babysitter / childcare, and by 8.15am I’m out the door.
I get home from work at 5.30pm, and have about an hour playing with Minnie before bath time and bed at 7pm. After she’s safely tucked in, Gordy usually cooks and we eat dinner. I always go back to my laptop for a few hours of work in the evening, and go to bed at midnight – but not without sneaking in to admire the little one sleeping blissfully by the light of my iPhone!
Moving across time, what kind of adult might you like Minnie to grow into?
I selfishly hope Minnie is a bit like me when she is older: hardworking, independent, creative, and determined.
My memories of childhood are all about encouragement; anything I ever showed an interest in was encouraged and supported, be it learning the saxophone (which I was hopeless at), being in the school play, or running for class captain. My parents were my constant cheer squad. I hope Minnie feels equally encouraged and supported by us, and dives head-first into every opportunity without inhibition.
Family Favourites
Children’s clothing store: Pretty Wild, I’m a sucker for a Liberty print.
Nursery item: Kido Store Caravan cot.
Activity or outing: The new Pauline Gandel Chidren’s Gallery at Melbourne Museum.
Dinner destination: City Wine Shop or The Builder’s Arms. At present, we only go where we can sit outside – I’m not game to be ‘that person’ with a pram / hyperactive baby inside a busy restaurant just yet!
Bedtime story: The attention span needs a little work, we’ve been stuck on Spot the Dog for a while now.
What a woman, what a baby, what wise wise words.
What a gorgeous and honest interview Lucy. Thanks for sharing, those photos of little Minnie are a winner!
OMG Minnie you are so delicious. x
AWW! Lucy, i’m totally stealing “that’s do-able”. I could definitely do with more do-able! Fantastic pics and great new column, looking forward to more. Minnie looks ready to take on the world (looking out the window) gorgeous family! ❤️
What beautiful and wise words Lucy. Funny how time for the important things can reveal itself – so true. Minnie is just so ‘cuddle material’, gorgeous. Love that you are doing this new topic too.
I really love this feature! As a creative and working Mum it is so refreshing to read about how other women juggle their career and family. I was anxious while pregnant about how my career would change but I feel more creative and successful than ever – there is time in the day that I never knew existed before. My daughter is now two years old, I am pregnant with my second child and I feel confident and excited about our growing family and my ability to continue moving forward in my career – no anxiety this time round. All the best! x
I really want to see more of Lucy’s tranquil and stylish looking house!!
GUYS thankyou so much for the very kind feedback on this new column (which i have been particularly anxious about!).
So grateful for your encouragement and enthusiasm for this new section!
XXX
Love this new column – well done Emma! Looking forward to seeing the next family and the insights a range of of parents & carers :)
Lovely home and column. May I ask where the chair is from in the nursery??
HEY Louise thanks so much for your comment. OH I forgot to mention the chair! I bought it on sale at Space Furniture – it’s this one – http://www.spacefurniture.com.au/zio-lounge-chair.html – Although it looks so different and much softer in the blonde timber.
A Family column! What a wonderful idea! I will look forward to it each month. And with baby no. 3 due in a few weeks it was particularly delightful to see Minnie. What a gorgeous cherub! Congrats Lucy and Gordy.
Love this insight into your life with Minnie, Lucy!
And always love a sneak peek into your home… My only question is a tangent – what can you tell me about the floorboards in Minnie’s room?? Brand and colour? x
OH Cass thanks so much for your sweet comment! The floorboards are just raw American Oak floorboards, with a finish on them called ‘WOCA Neutral Oil’ – this sealant / finish is what gives them the light lime-wash type look. Most flooring suppliers sell WOCA, it’s a Danish brand… good luck!
This is such a lovely piece – thank you! As a working-mum, I find so many “working-mum” stories just a bit cringe-worthy and tedious. But this is so positive, honest and sweet. A perfect read on a Friday night after a week of the kido/work juggle (a juggle which I love too!).
I confess, I’ve filtered through your website for years to zero in on how creatives who are mothers do it, especially the ‘extraordinary routines’ feature! You already do a great job showcasing professionals who have the ‘full catastrophe’ life! So I’m glad you went ahead and called that out in a regular column. I’m coming into my own after children, rather than before, and so I look for women who’ve done that same trajectory to elucidate how how HOW to become skilled when each hour of my children’s time away from me has such a finite and infinite cost. It’s helped me to know the things I truly value, enough to stomach that hit, that’s for sure! (I’m a longtime fan of your site – originally for ways to craft a home mixing my California with my husband’s France, your tours helped me find my ease with mixing that…but I’ve long since come to love the gardens, the food, and the art! The art!)
Wonderful column, thank you! As a self-employed new mum, the only things that get me down are the tedious tasks: grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning. I’ll have to learn to embrace them!
What a great story Lucy, I thoroughly enjoyed it, thank you – Minnie is a little mini-Lucy isn’t she – so sweet! I absolutely love your bed – would you mind sharing where you got it as I am on the prowl for one just like it! Thanks again for a great story, Jane.
love love this new segment and love your new place. I have a 9 month old and i remember everyone saying when the baby arrives everything will change – you won’t be able to be so career focused ETC. Well they where all wrong and to be frank we live in a modern society so people need to realise women can have a career and a family and should not be told otherwise. one sneaky question were did you get your floorbaords from?
I was at your problogger presentation a few years back and loved your tips and tricks.
Congrats on “running your life purposefully and not letting the ‘busyness’ run you…”
Your an inspiration
x
Would love to see a tour of your new house Lucy :) Loved seeing snippets in this story! x